Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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