He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
