I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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