I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
