We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
