Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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