Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
