it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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