guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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