since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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