dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
