I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
