I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
