she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
