I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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