connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
