please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
