I heard we made out
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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