i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
