I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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