STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
