Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
