Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
