dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
