I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
