OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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