Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
