there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
