Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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