I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
