Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
