I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
