Please, let me fuck your mom
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
