Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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