the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
