i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
