plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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