Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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