we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
