It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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