that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
