when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to have your abortion
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
