My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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