It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
