I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
