my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
