If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
