trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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