Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize