O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
