I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
