This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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