i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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