He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
